Stop fucking & start connecting
I find it deeply disturbing that we live in a world that disconnects us from ourselves, our relationships and our environment… from our overconsumption of technology to the lack of any balance between “work” and “life”, it’s not surprising that mental health conditions are on the rise.
But, how do these patterns and ways of being bleed into our romantic relationships and sex lives?
Well, if you’re always “on the go“, you might view sex as some sort of quick release. Or you might see it as something you should do to keep your partner happy, content, and satisfied. You might also be so exhausted emotionally and physically that you find yourself avoiding sex altogether.
When you enter any sexual experience with this state of mind and heart, you go into “auto-pilot” mode. You might kiss a little, do some oral (if that) and go into penetration for about 5 minutes or so.
Not the best when we ultimately crave deep, passionate, ecstatic sex, is it?
So, what’s the solution you might ask? The short answer is, stop f*cking on auto-pilot and start connecting.
Here are this Tantrikas tips for how you can start…
Before sex: Take time to intentionally create a sacred space together. Think of your five senses and how you can activate them. Turn on some nice music, light some candles, burn some incense, get some yummy wine or champagne and slip into something silky. Creating an intentional space together allows you to start playing with the erotic energy as you build up that juicy anticipation.
During sex: Breathe together. If you feel like you are becoming disconnected, invite your partner to pause and breathe with you. You can synchronize your breathing or try alternative breathing (where you exhale as your partner inhales and continue). Throw in some eye contact while you’re at it. It can be uncomfortable at first, but push through that discomfort and find bliss in each other’s eyes.
After sex: Aftercare is so important. Studies show that couples who take time cuddling and kissing post-sex report higher relationship and sexual satisfaction. So instead of picking up your phone to check Instagram or turning on the TV, take that extra 15 minutes to share some words of affection with each other. You can share what you enjoyed about the experience and what you might want to try next time.
The bottom line is, we are wired for connection. When we connect, we down-regulate ourselves and co-regulate with our partner - tapping into a beautiful and conscious erotic space. And only then, we start to experience ecstatic, connected sex.
